Taming the Tongue
How many times have you said something and then immediately wanted to take back what you said? Unfortunately, there is no delete key for spoken words.
Often, it happens in moments of passion and emotion where we let our words get ahead of our brain and we wish we could be anywhere else in the world.
Our tongues can be so useful and helpful. We can educate, instruct, entertain, uplift, encourage and help people with our words.
We can also insult, condemn, put down, hurt, lie, discourage and injure people with our words which come out of the same mouth as the good words.
The tongue can be a mighty weapon which can be used for good or bad and the consequences, both good and bad, sometimes far exceed the initial intent of the words.
Two other points need to be made before we go into the Bible verses. First, there are times when words need to be used as a weapon. Secondly, the hearer of the words has a responsibility to have grace and understanding – to a certain degree.
The most famous passage in the Bible regarding the tongue comes from James 3:1-12. Let's take a look at it bit by bit.
James 3:1-4
3 Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. 3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. 4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.
- The first verse about teachers being judged more strictly is one that makes me pause!
- “bridle his whole body” – what does that mean?
It means to control the body like a rider on a horse can control a much stronger animal with nothing more than a piece of metal in the horse's mouth.
Have you ever considered how small a rudder is to the overall size of a ship? Here is a good illustration:
It is not the size of the tongue, it is how it is used that matters.
James 3:5-8
5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
- What fires have you seen set by someone’s tongue?
- Why is there so much unrighteousness in the tongue?
- Why can no human being tame the tongue?
The answer to the last two questions stems from our innate depravity (sinfulness).
James 3:9-12
9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
- What is James getting at with his illustrations in verses 11 and 12? It seems like he is saying something different than in verse 10. I believe it is a bit of hyperbole to make the point that if your heart is corrupted, then what you say will also be corrupt even if you do speak some truth from time to time. How will people know you speak the truth even when you do?
Even though James makes a very strong point about how the tongue can be used for bad purposes or how an errant word can be hurtful, that does not mean one should never use the tongue to speak hard truths that might initially hurt the listener. Jesus says this (and more) in John chapter 8.
John 8:39-47
39 They answered him, “Abraham is our father.”
Jesus said to them, “If you were Abraham's children, you would be doing the works Abraham did, 40 but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God. This is not what Abraham did. 41 You are doing the works your father did.”
They said to him, “We were not born of sexual immorality. We have one Father—even God.”
42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and I am here. I came not of my own accord, but he sent me. 43 Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to hear my word. 44 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me. 46 Which one of you convicts me of sin? If I tell the truth, why do you not believe me? 47 Whoever is of God hears the words of God. The reason why you do not hear them is that you are not of God.”
- How does it make you feel to hear Jesus using such harsh words?
- And before you start thinking that Jesus only said these things to the Pharisees remember – we are today’s Pharisees in so many ways.
Always remember what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes -
Ecclesiastes 3:1,7-8
3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
What is needed when we are deciding what “time” is right? Wisdom - but not our wisdom.
Proverbs 1:7
7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Lastly, we need to remember that the hearer of the words needs to use the Fruits of the Spirit in order to keep the fire from the speaker’s tongue from spreading too far.
Galatians 5:22-24
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
- When have you dealt with hurtful words of another and not held it against them?
- Do you recall a time when you dealt kindly with someone who was not so kind and kept the fire of the other person’s tongue from causing too much damage?
Just because someone uses bad words, insulting words, demeaning words or words in some other offensive way does not mean we have to allow those words to affect us or to make us judge that person. Perhaps we should and perhaps we should not. This is where wisdom comes in. But we can only use wisdom if we also use the Fruits of the Spirit. If we do not then we have not crucified the flesh and have allowed its passions and desires to control us.
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